Hi. I'm Emily and I'm a Procrastinator.

Why do I procrastinate?
I have sealed my own fate.
I need to read pages upon pages,
And yet, my mind rages.

Sigh, these are the types of things I come up with when I have a ton of stuff to get done. What's my problem? I realize that I've got a good 4 hours of work to do. I realize that the lines I just wrote are ridiculous. But I will do anything I can think of to not do my assignment. Oh, I'll get it done. I'll just end up staying up all night doing it.

And now I will stop using this blog as a really bad reason to procrastinate and will instead talk to a friend on Gmail chat.

Class

I like being around people who are smarter than me.
I started taking a class. It's graduate level.
There are smart people in the class.
I just want to sit back and listen to them.

Hey! Look! There's Dad!

I go the speed limit. It's an accomplishment, really. I had to work pretty hard at it. But now it's been about 4 months and I'm used to it, except on that section of I-70 that goes from 55 mph to 50...that's tough. But, you know what? Driving is so much more relaxing now. I can see a cop and not immediately cringe and worry. I drive with a sort of confidence...even around cops.

Maybe that's how it is with God. I do things I know I shouldn't do, but tell myself one of a few lines.

A) It's not a big deal. Think of all the other things I could be doing. This is so tiny. Don't get too legalistic.

B) If I don't do this, I'm going to mess other people up. It might not even be safe for me to not do this.

C) If I don't do this, my day/week/life is going to be messed up.

D) It's fun.

So I do things that I know I shouldn't. And things are normally fine. I know where I can push the limits, where I can normally avoid any repercussions. BUT. Then God pops his head in where He's not expected. And I get defensive and up tight, even if I don't get caught. I know that God is Good, but I worry. It may just be something little. But then I see the equivalent of the spotlight or really long antennas and I think "Oh no".

I trust the Lord and want a deep, satisfying relationship with Him. But like in a marriage, if something causes worry about getting caught, it's probably not the best course of action. I want a relationship with the Lord that's deeper than a marriage. So, how can I allow behaviors to get in the way, just because I know how to avoid getting caught?

When I drive by, I want to wave like a little kid at the Cop who happens to be my Dad.