Half of me is more excited than words can say. I'm going to Brazil! I'm going to teach and help develop the English program. I am beyond happy to see my friends and invest in a growing ministry. I'll be back with sugar cane & bicycles. Beans & rice and hopscotch. Laughter & "fala devaga porfavor". I'll be learning about ministry, culture, & language. Joining in worship. Hearing kids struggle through English. Watching people. Riding the bus to town & walking through the neighborhoods. Resisting the urge to scoop up a toddler & sometimes not resisting at all.
It all brings a smile to my face.
The other half of me is...sad. I'm sad to leave my family. My friends. Starbucks & my car. Worship in English. Comfort & ease. When I return, my nephews will be huge. My friends and my family will have gone through difficulties and excitement that I was not a part of.
I will have missed a lot.
The half of me that is excited about Brazil wins...except if I'm tired.
Then the bigness of the difficulties that are in Brazil and the truth of what I will be missing in my family member's lives overwhelms me.
I fail to trust the Lord & forget that He has led me here.
But then I sleep.
And I wake up refreshed.
I open my notebook of lesson plan & classroom management ideas. As I work, I see my place. I see the vision. I remember why I'm going. I know that this is right.
And I smile.
And that makes me smile through tears. There's something about moving forward in the rightness of what the Lord has planned that makes it possible to have joy even though you know you will be missing important things. You will be DOing important things there.
ReplyDeleteI'm grateful God was so good to have allowed us here in the US to have you here for a time. Now we can pray hard that he will use you well there :)